First, I will ask the reader to look at the difference between “argue” and “debate.” Quite a few of us in American culture can run into some confusion, because of our pioneering spirit. We cherish our independence. A lot of early training in the families of this country, reflects the value in standing up for what we believe. Otherwise, there would not be much protest against government agencies trying to dictate how to raise the kids and run the household. We don’t like being told what to do, period. I for one, hope that this healthy attitude continues. Human beings are not sheep.
When a person is in debate of an issue, he does best when ready with a convincing set of facts. His platform for debate may not guarantee a win of the most votes, but he can at least pavé the road to a later credible battle. Unlike argument, which is a behavior based on emotional defense, the act of debating serves a purpose. The opponent is invited to share information and the goal here is to clarify the gravity of the issue. A solution is eventually reached. In arguments, there is nothing but an angry push from each person to see who is the strongest. And when emotion is ruling the behavior on each side, the information (if any) is only distorted and both parties are further from a solution. So another day goes by without anything productive happening. It’s just a cycle of futility. To argue needlessly is akin to climbing a mountain made of butter with cellophane shoes.
My way of helping to curb the impulse to argue or be led into an argument is simple and easy. Of course, this works best when there is a personal acknowledgement of the costs about such behavior. The method has to do with using physical cues to help monitor the rate of impulsive acts. Your job is to cut down on the number of times per day, that a disagreement or behavior triggers an emotional reaction. For example, if six-year-old Johnny says the “No T.V. after 7:00 at night rule” is stupid and you are starting in with “No it’s not” then go ahead and put a colored chip labeled “I argued again” in the designated can. I’ve been known to label the cans for this kind of process, with words that remind the client of what we talked about in the session. Bringing a souvenir home from vacation has the same effect.
I’m glad you have decided to get over your pansiness and click on this post to read. Desire is a six-letter word that often connotes some sort of carnal lust for a substance or even better, a person. Such a word is seen on the front cover of romance novels and articles, which lead the reader into an underworld filled with the kinds of unmentionable activity between people. I would even put “desire” in the category of taboo conversation. Only because this is the result of a social mechanism we human beings have built to label and shelve our corners of existence.
I use the word “desire” to help put some emotional charge behind my priorities and to establish a point of entitlement in this respect. In order for me to take ownership for what I see as personal goals, there must be an investment on my part. But let’s move on to the reason I titled this piece with “desire.”
My gives me a verbal list of grocery items right before I am about to grab the keys. There are only four items to remember and she knows that I can keep them in mind, all the way to the store. She asks me if I need to right them down anyway. I quickly reply “Oh yes” and go ahead to make a written list. Yeah, I’ve heard and read about all the different ways that we can exercise our minds. There are many benefits to keeping our brains stimulated with memory games and what not. The internet is full of literature on how much better a person can gain in the prospect of health by pushing our mental capacities.
The thing is, I already put my brain to use. One bit of clear evidence is in the making of this article. And this is where the word “desire” comes in. Instead of holding in my memory the list of fruits, veggies, bread and other kitchen items, I desire to exercise my imagination. Or I simply choose to listen to the car stereo and really get into the music. These uses of the brain help me further my goals and enable quality time for projects. My projects bring enjoyment and quality development for life and family. There’s no doubt of my ability to bring up the list in memory once I get to the store, but why waste such effort when it could just be written? A few minutes of writing on paper can buy me an infinite peace of mind. The organizational tools industry makes a bundle for good reason. It’s easier to move on with the important things and move on when we’re writing appointments on a calendar and not letting these items take our memories hostage.
I want to help you master every part of relationships and get back to having a life.
I want to help you make emotions your pets!
Also, I do accept payment through PAYPAL. Let me know of your order at email@example.com and an invoice will be sent.
Are you struggling with clients who have minimal insight into therapy or counseling?
Is there a repeated issue with client potential being untapped?
Do you wished more of your clients could take care of personal direction outside of sessions?
Do your relationships with clients need a concrete sense of direction?
Do your relationships with anyone have you feeling trapped?
The Jungle Pack can help with providing an anchor for which your client refers when getting stuck. It really helps to know about the human condition of forgetting the skills made aware of, when shit hits the fan. With the Jpack, there is the benefit of documentation of personal strengths, triggers of emotion and wants, so the skills can be practiced to the point of automatic response no matter what happens.
We all have to know so much stuff, which is hard to keep track of due to the fact that life happens fast and inconveniently.
I am willing to have someone tell me that it is wrong to assume we all have times when the silent statement “I want to..” is pushed away, like it doesn’t matter. Before there are any steps taken, we as people spend a lot of time saying “It’s just not possible.”
The Jungle Pack: Workbook-Therapy Journal has a way people to document those thoughts, so there can be the opportunity to further explore what is standing in the way of doing what is really wanted. This of course applies to productive social or earning behaviors, but do a lot of us even know what those are?
I want to plant a seed. When the thought statement “It’s just impossible” comes up, try to deny the fact that Orville and Wilber Wright were told out loud many times, that man could not fly.
I don’t know how many other therapists and counselor’s mention the use of numbers in the treatment plan to the client and guardian/ parent during intake. I find the practice very useful and an encouraging way to start the relationship.
There are such clear terms of goal-setting to spell out for the folks sitting before me at intake time. “I’m going to help you with this behavior that is done 5-6x per day, 5 days per week and bring it down to preferably zero times or at least a smaller number. This could possibly equal more time to do what you want and less time being in trouble. DWP
Ego is the inflexible and “ready to go when called up” set of defenses. Anyone of a person’s ego states can actually present itself in full form through statements such as “I always do this” or “That’s not the way he’s supposed to act.” It’s all about personal protection of the rules! Ego in any form, is like an un-thinking guardian that is summoned when there is the threat of something happening differently. And Johnny has unknowingly triggered it. He has tripped over or knocked down a beehive. The bees do what they have been trained by generations of beehive population to do.