Tag Archives: Bullying

Handling Bad Cops

The only thing I ever learned about getting a switch taken to the back of my legs, was to make sure I stayed out of sight of the switch-wielder when doing the bad deeds.  So let’s not go for the switch when handling bad cops (some New York City police officers, for instance).

Instead, we can look at what really made me think twice about doing stupid things, like having someone else own my free time.

Parents who know how to make use of a kid’s time, are able to cover a lot of ground in the household and keep up a functional hierarchy, teaching the art of accountability without hostility.

With that said, here is a list of community service jobs for bad cops to do (before and after their regular shifts) under the supervision of private citizens:

Wash the school buses.

Serve in the soup lines.

Clean the city parks by hand.

Clean up the environmental hazard sites.

Walk people’s dogs.

Groom people’s dogs.

I’m sure there are many other community service jobs that other people can think of.

Olympian Factor Of Relationship Skills

Fasce Olympians

Fasce Olympians (Photo credit: Marco Crupi Visual Artist)

Ever notice how Olympic athletes bring on the “edge of your seat” level of anticipation when performing a feat which would most likely kill the rest of us?  About twenty years ago, I started paying attention to the kinds of events which starred a single athlete either skating to a song or making a death-defying move off the bars.  And I have also read about what goes into accomplishment of such moments.

An Olympian eats, breathes and dreams the moves over and over on a daily basis.  The practice and honing of moves are a lifestyle and habit.  The observer into a period of this athlete’s life would shake his head in amazement and think “Wow.  Get a life.”

Why?  Because the life of an Olympian is not the life of an average person.  Average means influence of emotion and desires.  Average has no focused  path to follow through on.  Reaching sub-goals on the way to achieving an goal is not everyday and mediocre practice.  Devoting hours and days to a ritual that gradually trains the body to respond automatically to a certain stimulus, is not for the average life of just getting through the days until the weekend.

Quite a few people who come to my counseling office are familiar with the observer’s stance on the practice of implementing relationship skills.  For example, most friends and family members in any given person’s life are casting doubts and surprise when personal boundaries are announced.  The new behavior of setting a time-limit on phone calls with negative people is labeled as “selfish.”  And the therapy assignment to saying “No” to the usual requests at home or in the company of friends is sometimes met with astonishment, silly questions and the expression of anger.  This person is changing the game.  He or she (client) is not only working on a healthy relationship goal, but is also refusing to act like the same old piece of furniture in other people’s comfort zone.

In this case, average is not the rule of thumb.  The client’s determination to reach a healthier level of response to bullying or co-dependent behavior, will not permit the act of submission.  The remark “Well now you’re just being crazy” or some other kind of guilt trip will not influence the training.


Bullying: The Difference Between Games And Crimes

Beaten woman

When a person is knocked to the floor or slammed up against the wall, we recognize the harm done and takes steps to prevent it from happening again.  The act of physical harm is commonly frowned upon.  Even if the target of harm is a member of an unpopular sub-culture, the violence involved will trigger alarm.  Physical violence is a crime in any sense of the word.

If somebody has been hit, slapped, stuffed in a locker or kicked, there is no way to deny that someone’s physical and personal space is violated.  A line is crossed.  The term for this lind of behavior is “criminal action.”  It is an expected norm for wild, lower animals to attack one another or even human beings.  It’s part of their job.  We don’t think anything strange about signs at the zoo that read “Stay out of the lion cage.”

Human beings are not lions.  It would be smart to assume that act of violence by a person is indicative of psychiatric struggle.  Look in the DSM-IV-TR under Conduct Disorder or AntiSocial Personality.  Physical violence of any kind is part of the symptom criteria clusters.  When bullying progresses from repeated social mind games to any sort of physical harm, stop calling it “bullying” and start calling it “criminal action.”