Pay for the behavior you want:
My response to __________ throwing a fit is ____________________________.
I feel ___________________ when she _______________________.
3 behaviors that get on my nerves the most are ___________________, _____________________ and ___________________.
3 good behaviors that she has are ___________________, __________________ and ____________________________.
The behaviors that I spend the most energy correcting are _________________, _______________________ and _________________________.
The way she reacts to my corrections are _______________, __________________ and_________________________.
The way she acts when I express anger or impatience is ___________________.
I end up having to _____________________ when she misbehaves ___times a day.
The way I respond to good behavior is ______________________________.
Sometimes we have to get our foot in the door on the matter of developing healthy relationships. The most basic functions for human beings are scary and awkward. Take conversation between people from two different age groups.
One person is seven or eight years old and the other is forty. Maybe both of them live in the same household, but because of age they are worlds apart. In terms of development, this is true. A forty-year-old person experiences life physically much different from someone who is thirty years younger. Kids usually don’t have the same aches and pains.
There is also a significant gap in the context of cultural preferences such as music and other forms of entertainment. And what is a big deal to the youngster in second or third grade is most likely old news to the adult.
Conversation between the two is mostly restricted to happenstance and brief. There’s nothing wrong with this. Normal development includes a gradual shift in priorities and the person’s relative connection to their current age group. To live in the present and take advantage of growth, each child, teen or adult is getting in tune with acquired abilities. Even though children don’t have to pay bills, they do have to learn how to tie shoes and ride bikes. We all have to pay attention to keep up with relevant information.
I will argue there are benefits in crossing the generational line in terms of sustained conversation. One of them is trust. I will explain.
At some point in a child’s life, he is going to face a choice between keeping a secret that is eating him up or disclosing it and getting help from a wise adult. Which action do you think he will pick if there hasn’t been some way to talk on common ground with an adult so far? In general, I see very defensive kids who cross their arms and frown quietly towards the expectation of what might happen with such freedom of speech.
On the other side of this, the adult usually has more faith in the child who demonstrates more of a vocabulary than “whatever” or “yeah”.
Another benefit of being able to hold a discussion with someone of a different generation is the widening of perspectives. Each age group holds a limited view of how the world operates for other people and the ways in which things can be done. Isn’t the knowledge of one hundred different angles to go at a challenge better than only one? Remember the exercise that some of us new parents had to go through for the first baby in the home? You crawl around on your hand and knees to see what the house and possible hazards look like for a child of six or seven months. Adults have grown used to walking around with their eyes seeing everything from an average of five and a half to six feet above the floor.
The physical way we see the world closely matches the context of interacting with others. If I’m six, I will talk mostly of six-year-old related things. I’m not going to talk about how much higher the water bill was this month.
But if I watch a movie with grandpa and I’m encouraged to speak at length about five or six different scenes with him afterwards, then I stand more of a chance understanding how to talk an adult. There’s nothing scary about conversation after all.
Posted in anxiety, assertiveness, behavior, Counseling, family, personal empowerment, relationships, thinking, writing
Tagged Adult, Child development, conversation, family, Home, Parent