1. Taking care of yourself– No matter how you actually look, if you’re in the process of working on the goal of better health, then YOU ARE HOT. Any form of self-care is HOT. You’re on the move, presenting to the world a courageous act of saying “I matter! No matter what’s going on nor how I’m feeling, I’m shining my shoes and building muscle!” People on the move are HOT.
2. You Love people in spite of the behavior– When you are paying more attention to people’s strengths and potential, you’re HOT. It has to do with being smart. The great things about people are many times more abundant, than the few behaviors which offend us. Investing in what you love makes for more feelings of love. When you practice LOVE, you emanate warmth. When you emanate warmth, you’re HOT.
3. Doing your thing- You’re the one who spends time honing the craft or working on a project. And chances are, it sets you apart from the others at least for the time being. This makes for automatic HOTNESS because the activity draws questions. You are automatically HOT when people are asking questions. You are on the move. Even criticism about what you do is HOT, because the other person is spending his/ her time and energy on you!
When a person is in debate of an issue, he does best when ready with a convincing set of facts. His platform for debate may not guarantee a win of the most votes, but he can at least pavé the road to a later credible battle. Unlike argument, which is a behavior based on emotional defense, the act of debating serves a purpose. The opponent is invited to share information and the goal here is to clarify the gravity of the issue. A solution is eventually reached. In arguments, there is nothing but an angry push from each person to see who is the strongest. And when emotion is ruling the behavior on each side, the information (if any) is only distorted and both parties are further from a solution. So another day goes by without anything productive happening. It’s just a cycle of futility. To argue needlessly is akin to climbing a mountain made of butter with cellophane shoes.
My way of helping to curb the impulse to argue or be led into an argument is simple and easy. Of course, this works best when there is a personal acknowledgement of the costs about such behavior. The method has to do with using physical cues to help monitor the rate of impulsive acts. Your job is to cut down on the number of times per day, that a disagreement or behavior triggers an emotional reaction. For example, if six-year-old Johnny says the “No T.V. after 7:00 at night rule” is stupid and you are starting in with “No it’s not” then go ahead and put a colored chip labeled “I argued again” in the designated can. I’ve been known to label the cans for this kind of process, with words that remind the client of what we talked about in the session. Bringing a souvenir home from vacation has the same effect.
The Jungle Pack: Workbook-Therapy Journal has a way people to document those thoughts, so there can be the opportunity to further explore what is standing in the way of doing what is really wanted. This of course applies to productive social or earning behaviors, but do a lot of us even know what those are?
I want to plant a seed. When the thought statement “It’s just impossible” comes up, try to deny the fact that Orville and Wilber Wright were told out loud many times, that man could not fly.