Oftentimes, we try to pass through small windows of opportunity with old beliefs that don’t fit. It’s like forcing a huge square peg through a small round hole. We bang, push, cry, yell and say “This is so unfair!”
We expect to make friends with people who want to be treated differently than our old pals; the ones who are used to our usual behavior. Yes, some people will stick around and take the same old crap. It’s called low self-esteem. But to have new and maybe even better opportunities with different people, the same old crap won’t work. The size of our baggage blocks our ability to see this.
Maybe our old beliefs have worked in the past. We put value on how many times the loyal friends and family members kept coming back, no matter how insidious we acted at times or maybe even all the time. We tend to look at this as being worth more than the potential for new experiences that foster real growth.
Remember that thing called “inflation”? How many times have we refused to drop a useless pattern of thinking or an outdated belief, because of how it serves us in the name of comfort? It’s like refusing a job that can possibly reap ten times more money, but the level of initial discomfort keeps us in a job that only earns a meager salary.
1. Taking care of yourself– No matter how you actually look, if you’re in the process of working on the goal of better health, then YOU ARE HOT. Any form of self-care is HOT. You’re on the move, presenting to the world a courageous act of saying “I matter! No matter what’s going on nor how I’m feeling, I’m shining my shoes and building muscle!” People on the move are HOT.
2. You Love people in spite of the behavior– When you are paying more attention to people’s strengths and potential, you’re HOT. It has to do with being smart. The great things about people are many times more abundant, than the few behaviors which offend us. Investing in what you love makes for more feelings of love. When you practice LOVE, you emanate warmth. When you emanate warmth, you’re HOT.
3. Doing your thing- You’re the one who spends time honing the craft or working on a project. And chances are, it sets you apart from the others at least for the time being. This makes for automatic HOTNESS because the activity draws questions. You are automatically HOT when people are asking questions. You are on the move. Even criticism about what you do is HOT, because the other person is spending his/ her time and energy on you!
First, I will ask the reader to look at the difference between “argue” and “debate.” Quite a few of us in American culture can run into some confusion, because of our pioneering spirit. We cherish our independence. A lot of early training in the families of this country, reflects the value in standing up for what we believe. Otherwise, there would not be much protest against government agencies trying to dictate how to raise the kids and run the household. We don’t like being told what to do, period. I for one, hope that this healthy attitude continues. Human beings are not sheep.
When a person is in debate of an issue, he does best when ready with a convincing set of facts. His platform for debate may not guarantee a win of the most votes, but he can at least pavé the road to a later credible battle. Unlike argument, which is a behavior based on emotional defense, the act of debating serves a purpose. The opponent is invited to share information and the goal here is to clarify the gravity of the issue. A solution is eventually reached. In arguments, there is nothing but an angry push from each person to see who is the strongest. And when emotion is ruling the behavior on each side, the information (if any) is only distorted and both parties are further from a solution. So another day goes by without anything productive happening. It’s just a cycle of futility. To argue needlessly is akin to climbing a mountain made of butter with cellophane shoes.
My way of helping to curb the impulse to argue or be led into an argument is simple and easy. Of course, this works best when there is a personal acknowledgement of the costs about such behavior. The method has to do with using physical cues to help monitor the rate of impulsive acts. Your job is to cut down on the number of times per day, that a disagreement or behavior triggers an emotional reaction. For example, if six-year-old Johnny says the “No T.V. after 7:00 at night rule” is stupid and you are starting in with “No it’s not” then go ahead and put a colored chip labeled “I argued again” in the designated can. I’ve been known to label the cans for this kind of process, with words that remind the client of what we talked about in the session. Bringing a souvenir home from vacation has the same effect.
I want to help you master every part of relationships and get back to having a life.
I want to help you make emotions your pets!
Also, I do accept payment through PAYPAL. Let me know of your order at firstname.lastname@example.org and an invoice will be sent.
Are you struggling with clients who have minimal insight into therapy or counseling?
Is there a repeated issue with client potential being untapped?
Do you wished more of your clients could take care of personal direction outside of sessions?
Do your relationships with clients need a concrete sense of direction?
Do your relationships with anyone have you feeling trapped?
The Jungle Pack can help with providing an anchor for which your client refers when getting stuck. It really helps to know about the human condition of forgetting the skills made aware of, when shit hits the fan. With the Jpack, there is the benefit of documentation of personal strengths, triggers of emotion and wants, so the skills can be practiced to the point of automatic response no matter what happens.
We all have to know so much stuff, which is hard to keep track of due to the fact that life happens fast and inconveniently.