We are encouraged by many to produce inner-motivation towards our goals through the work of self-affirmation. In recent years there has been the prominent referral to “I’m Okay and You’re Okay” kinds of statements. Some of the self-help gurus make “positive inner discovery” a staple of their programs. One thousand percent of this makes sense and is effective.
To say “I can” and then of course finish the statement is a very healthy and even courageous declaration. It beats sitting crouched in a corner with your thumb in mouth, while rocking back and forth. It sure as hell beats standing by and hiding your abilities while someone else takes off with the opportunity. Do you agree?
What we’re missing here is the challenge to saying “I can” or “My strength is..” when much of life has been a focus on what a sibling or cousin or classmate can do better. I will venture to say that the challenge has a lot to do with what communication many of us receive in these different environments. Have you ever been told “Why can’t you be like..?”
In chapter five of “The Strong-Willed Child: Birth Through Adolescence” written by Dr. James Dobson (1978), there is the conclusion arrived at on how comparisons are made between siblings. A child in the family or at school hears spoken messages by his adult leaders which stick in his or her mind. An older brother or sister is praised for winning the trophies. And at every turn, upon misbehavior of the failure to perform up to snuff, the other sibling is told “Why can’t you do..?” And the competition ensues. For this boy or girl, the focus becomes more about what the older sister or brother or classmate has, and less about what is yet to be discovered within.
Posted in anger management, anxiety, assertiveness, awareness, behavior, Counseling, ego, emotions, family, goal-setting, goals, personal empowerment, potential, productivity, relationships, self-affirmation, thinking, unknown territory, writing
Tagged anxiety, challenge, counseling, James Dobson, motivation, personal goals, self help, self-affirmation, self-awareness, self-declaration, Sibling, The Strong-Willed Child: Birth Through Adolescence
Question mark (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I base my writing of The Jungle Pack Workbook (counseling), on the results witnessed from using finish-the-statement prompts. I find that a lot of the question-asking comes across as trying to trick the client, to give up the gold (hidden personal information). Also, I recognize the minimal education for growing kids and full-grown adults, in the context of how to build personal awareness.
Most people have a hard time with understanding their personal strengths and what triggers emotions in both themselves and others. The prompts mentioned earlier, were designed to take the focus off of the person’s struggle to meet expectations of a counselor’s question. One of the main elements I do my best to drop is any sense of testing. Most people have experienced enough school-type testing to have a “right or wrong answer” state of expectations to deal with when posed a question. When asked about information the child or adult is defending, the inquiry is thought of as a demand. Obviously this did not work the first few hundred times in school, at work or in the home.
If a person is coming to me for counseling at any age, he or she has already met many reasons to defy trust in others. Along with this, is a reoccurring propensity to feel angered with people. The world already looks scary at this point. Otherwise, the promise of confidentiality wouldn’t be considered so appealing. But even in the counseling session, trust must be earned by the therapist. And we find many times, this is no easy task in regards to the information which keeps a person stuck.
Posted in anger management, awareness, behavior, Counseling, earning, ego, emotions, family, personal control, personal empowerment, relationships, thinking, unknown territory
Tagged anxiety, communication, counseling work, counseling workbook, defenses, demands for personal hidden information, depression, distrust, family emotional triggers, human thinking, inviting, personal strengths, workbook prompts
Please feel free to share your moments or even days filled with uncertainty and anxiety regarding the journey to accomplishment.